


Strength in Empathy

by Bluvixen



Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: F/M, Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-06
Updated: 2018-09-06
Packaged: 2019-07-07 15:30:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,967
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15911106
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bluvixen/pseuds/Bluvixen
Summary: This is an old tumblr prompt I did a few years back for one of my tumblr friends a couple of years ago that I have finally gotten around to posting up on here. This is basically a fluff prompt with a smidge of angst ("Post-no-good-very-bad-day cuddles") based off a scene between Kaidan and Shepard in Mass Effect 3, when Kaidan finds out his father is MIA and Chani offers him some comfort.Hope you enjoy it! As always, kudos and comments/constructive feedback is appreciated ^_^





	Strength in Empathy

**Author's Note:**

> A few quick notes about some of the characters referenced here:
> 
> -Chani Shepard is a colonist survivor of Mindoir and the Hero of the Skyllian Blitz. Her class is Infiltrator.  
> -Leto Shepard is Chani's older brother and another colonist surivor of Mindoir. He is the sole survivor of the thresher maw attack on Akuze an his class is Sentinal. They were both assigned to the SR-1 and upon her "death", he joined Cerberus along with Joker and a few other Normandy crew members and helped his sister fight the collectors. Both were placed under house arrest after Alpha Relay incident and serves with her during the Reaper War. He is not my OC and belongs to ArrowRinehart, who has given me permission to use him (https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArrowRinehart)

Kaidan winced, grabbing his throbbing temples with one hand while his other arm was propped up against the glass window of the Observation Deck. He thought escaping to this room and dimming the lights would ease his migraine, but even the dim light of the distant stars made his eyes hurt. As a biotic with L2 implants, he was used to dealing with the severe headaches for most of his life but mistakenly believed that the regimen he was on while at La Huerta Memorial Hospital would help prevent them, or at the very least lessen their intensity. 

_As if this day couldn't get any worse,_ he thought bitterly, shutting his eyes while leaning against his forearm. He just came back from one of the private terminals set up in the crew quarters after reading a message from his mother. It had been weeks since he received any word from home and by the time he finally managed to get through to his mother, he learned that not only had his father signed up for active duty in the Reaper War, but he was recently declared MIA when his unit failed to report in. His mother tried to put on a brave front in her e-mail, but he knew that she was wrought with worry and grief over her husband and now her her son's involvement in the war. And with his father gone...she was left all alone in this chaos. He wanted so desperately to rush back to Earth and find his father, or at the very least bring his mother off planet and onto the Citadel where it was somewhat safer. But in reality, no place was safe. No place would ever be safe until they destroyed the Reapers once and for all.

On top of all of this, he still received no word from any of the biotic students assigned under his command. He had no idea if any of them were alive or dead. He hoped and prayed that everything he managed to teach them before the war was helping them survive, but after a couple of months with no communication from anyone....He gripped his fist and leaned his head against his arm. Everything was going so wrong so fast. He felt so useless being on the Normandy when so much was happening in the colonies and back on Earth. 

The sound of the door sliding open behind him interrupted his thoughts and made him wince. Figuring it was just another crewman coming to bother him, he turned around to dismiss them only to find none other than his captain, Commander Chani Shepard, standing in the doorway, her hands raised up somewhat defensively. _Of course it'd be her_ , he thought, now feeling embarassed for the annoyed look he initially gave her. He quickly closed his mouth and rubbed the back of his head, doing his best to ignore the throbbing pain and not look like an more of a idiot. 

"Commander," he said quickly, though somewhat embarrassed. "I, uh, I mean Shepard...s-sorry, didn't realize it was you-"

Chani shook her head slightly. "Relax, Kaidan," she replied as a small smile formed across her lips. "Just came in to check on you. Liara told me you seemed a little distressed earlier."

Kaidan frowned and shook his head. Of _course_ Liara would say something to Chani. Not only were they good friends, but she was also the damn Shadow Broker - rumoredly, of course. Nothing slipped past her, and while Liara made a point of respecting the privacy of her fellow crewmates, he knew she must have seen something about him come across her console. There was also the fact that she, along with the rest of the Normandy crew, were eager to see him and Chani get back together. 

"She shouldn't have said anything," he said, turning away from Chani just as another rush of pain flowed into his head. He focused his gaze on the distant stars. "I know she's worried, but I'm fine, really." His migraine, on the other hand, said otherwise, and while he tried his best to hide his pain from Chani he pressed his thumb and forefinger to his temples again as if to keep them from bursting.

He heard Chani's footsteps coming toward him and made sure he kept his gaze focused outside, even though he knew his efforts were in vain. He flinched when he felt Chani's hand touch his shoulder and gently pulled him to face her. Embarrassed, he sighed and turned his gaze to meet hers. As always, the first thing he noticed about her was her rich blue eyes, which seemed to glow even in the darkness of the room. He expected to see her looking annoyed, but instead she looked more concerned than anything else.

"Migraines?" Chani asked, not making much of an effort to conceal the worry in her voice. Chani was more than familiar with the migraines he used to get when they were together on the SR-1. He remembered how she let him use her cabin to nap in when they got really bad and he needed the dark and quiet.

"Yeah," Kaidan replied sheepishly. "The regimen the doctors at La Huerta had me on were supposed to help, but even with-"

"Shh," Chani interrupted, taking his hand into hers as she lead him over to the couch. "C'mere."

"Shepard?" he asked, holding his temples as another bolt of pain shot through them.

Chani said nothing. She sat down on the couch and pat the empty cushion next to her. "Lay down." 

It took a moment for Kaidan to register what Chani was asking and he could suddenly feel the heat rising to his cheeks. "Uh...are you sure, Shepard?"

"Trust me, Kaidan," Chani sighed. "I used to do this all the time for Leto when he got migraines from his implants. Now sit your ass down already."

Kaidan saw Chani give him a small smirk and responded with one of his own. "Yes, ma'am," he teased, then slowly eased himself down to the couch. Chani's hands moved to both sides of his head and gingerly set it down in her lap. He let out a slow breath and looked up into her eyes once again. No matter how many times he looked at her, he could never get tired of staring into those beautiful eyes of hers. They reminded him of Neptune or some of the other gas giants he had seen during his tours in the Traverse. He always found himself getting lost in her gaze when he stared for too long, even when she eventually shyed away in bashfulness. But now she just stared right back at him, smiling down at him while stroking the side of his head.

She raised both of her hands and rubbed her palms together vigorously. "Now close your eyes and relax," she instructed. "And tell me if it gets worse, then I'll stop."

"Oh, I doubt that," Kaidan replied in a soft, almost dreamy tone. Seeing that smirk come back on her face, he gave an embarrassed chuckle and closed his eyes. "I mean...sure."

Chani chuckled softly, then adjusted herself so that she could have better access to his head. He felt her place her thumbs on his temples and her fingers along the side of his head with her pinkies resting near the base of his skull. Her fingers were warm and her touch was gentle yet firm. At first he winced as her thumbs pressed to his throbbing temples, but then she began to rotate them in small circles along with the rest of her fingers. He let out another long breath through his nose, allowing himself to relax more as she tried to massage the pain away.

At first, Chani's touches were soft and almost hesitant. Then, as Kaidan relaxed more against her lap and his breaths became longer and less labored, he felt her fingers press a little deeper into his scalp. He did not realize just how much he missed her touch until now. He spent the last three years trying to forget how it felt, and now he never wanted to forget this feeling again. He angled his face toward her abdomen, taking in her scent mixed with the smell of her clothes. He could remember when they first fell in love and how he could not seem to get enough of that scent. Now it just helped him relax. 

He did not know how long he was lost in his trance, but the more he focused on her touch and less on the throbbing, the less pain he felt. At some point, he realized Chani was speaking to him and that he had nearly fallen asleep.

"You still with me, Major?" she asked.

Kaidan opened his eyes slowly to see those deep blue eyes staring down into his. A few locks of her brown hair had fallen over her shoulder and arched around her face, accenting her jawline and round cheeks. His eyes focused on her smiling lips and, for a brief moment, he considered pulling her down and kissing her. Instead, his better sense of judgment won out and he gave her a sleepy smile in turn. "Yeah, I'm still here, Shepard," he said softly. "You're a natural. Leto was lucky to have you around for this." 

"Yeah, well, when he got retrofitted with his L3s, I didn't have to do it as often," Chani replied. "I'm just glad I had an excuse to put my skills to use again before I got rusty."

"Well, feel free to practice on me anytime, Commander," Kaidan replied, his smile widening. "I think I'd much rather have this than the accupuncture, meds, and that nasty-ass concoction that doctor had me drink back on the Citadel."

Chani chuckled. "Is this your idea of flirting with me, Major?" she asked playfully.

Kaidan let off an embarrassed laugh. "If you have to ask, then I must be horribly out of practice."

Chani chuckled again, rubbing his temples with her thumbs once more. "Not as much as you think," she replied.

This was how he wanted to see her. Ever since he came aboard, he watched her racing from one part of the ship to the next, always with a serious and focused frown on her face. Kaidan may have been worried about his family, but she carried the entire weight of the galaxy on her shoulders and refused to let others see the strain it put on her. But this, seeing her relaxed with him and smiling, was how he felt she should always be. 

He turned his head away from her and back out the window, letting out a sigh as Chani stopped her massage just for a moment. 

"So, care to tell me what's on your mind, Kaidan?" she asked. He could hear the worry creep back into her tone. He knew there was nothing he could hide from her, nor did he want to hide anything anymore; and if he did not tell anyone about his father, he felt like he was going to go insane.

"It's just..." he began, then let out a sigh as he felt the tension around his skull begin to return. "It all seems so calm from here. I mean, you and me are here like this...and yet there are people going through hell in a million different ways...out there. And I want to be fighting alongside them, but I want to be here...you know?" He was certain he sounded

"Of course I do," Chani replied, stroking her thumb against his forehead while her fingers combed through his black hair. "Though I take it you're thinking about someone specific?"

It did not surprise Kaidan that she could read him so well. Even before the first Normandy went down she could always tell when something bothered him and eventually got him to open up. He did not bother to hide anything from her now. "I heard from my mom, Shepard," he answered. "My dad is, um..." He winced again, feeling another small pulse of pain in his head. "He's MIA. He's presumed..." He couldn't even finish it. The thought of his father being dead was just too much.

He felt Chani's fingers resume their gentle massage and he closed his eyes again. He leaned into her touch and shifted his body closer toward hers, as if instinctively seeking more of the comfort she offered. "Tell me what happened," she said. "Back at La Huerta you said your parents got out of Vancouver, right?"

"He left mom at the orchard and reported for active duty," he replied, turning his head back around to face the ceiling as he slowly opened his eyes. "It's all we know, but it's, uh....it's enough." Kaidan could feel tears starting to form, but swallowed in order to keep them back. Not only did he not want to break down in front of Chani, but he knew crying would only make this migraine worse. "She's all alone in this now. In all...this."

"I'm sorry, Kaidan," Chani said in a softer, sadder voice. She rubbed his forehead once again and focused her massage lower toward the base of his skull and the top of his neck. "I'm glad you told me this, and...I know what you're going through." 

"I know you do," Kaidan answered in a soft voice, closing his eyes once again. "Hell...if anything you had it far worse than I do." He remembered the night she told him how she survived what happened on Mindoir, back on the first Normandy. Her tossing and turning in bed woke him up and when he tried to wake her, she shot up in a cold sweat, thinking she was back in that hell. He stayed up for the next hour with her, holding her to him as she recounted the attack with chilling clarity. At the time he could barely imagine what that was like; to watch your parents be gunned down right in front of you, to see your unconscious brother be dragged onto a ship while you ran away with your older sister, and then hear her screaming while you hid out of sight...unable to do anything. Now, after seeing Vancouver fall to the Reapers and knowing how humans became husks...he shuddered to think his father could be one of them.

"It still hurts just as much...not knowing," Chani answered. "You want to hold out hope that they're alive somehow, somewhere...but years go by and after a while of hearing no news, that hope becomes a heavy burden to carry with you. But sometimes...sometimes you get lucky. You find out that they're alive and they come back to you, or you find out they died and can finally put them to rest. But not knowing...it eats away at you if you let it."

"Yeah," Kaidan agreed, looking up at Chani for a moment as he recalled the years he thought he lost her after the SR-1 was destroyed. It took him two years to pull himself back together, thinking he would never see her again. Yet, like she said, he got lucky and saw her on Horizon, shouting orders and taking out the enemy...as if she was never even gone. And now she was here with him, helping him through the pain and uncertainty over his father's disappearance. "Thank you, Shepard," he said, reaching his hand back and taking a hold of one of her hands while he looked back up into her eyes once more. "I don't know how you do it. Keeping it all together like you do. Earth is always in the back of my mind, haunting me. And my students..."

"Are probably kicking ass wherever they are using the skills you taught them," Chani interrupted, smiling down at him and rubbing the top of his hand. 

That made him smile. She always seemed to know the right things to say to make him feel better. "Yeah, probably," he admitted. "You know, when this war is over, there's going to be one hell of a reunion party."

Chani grinned. "Hell yeah." 

Kaidan could feel his own grin widening at the thought of it all. "Dancing in the streets. Hugging and crying. You know, my mom's always wanted to travel off-planet. I think I'll take her." He paused, thinking about the possibility. He knew she would love seeing the Presidium on the Citadel. Even some parts of the Wards were nice to walk through. Then the thought of introducing her to Chani crossed his mind. He knew she would love her. Though hopefully by then they would be well past this awkward rekindling period in their relationship...if they could even call it that. 

"Well, you seem to be doing better," Chani said, filling in the silence.

"Yeah...a lot better," Kaidan replied. "Thanks again, Shepard. I think I needed this more than I realized. Remind me to thank Liara for being nosy."

"You'll want to thank Leto, too," Chani grinned. "He was badgering me about checking up on you, too." She let out a sigh, shifting once again in her seat. "So...want me to leave you to get some rest?"

"Actually," Kaidan paused, considering what he was about to ask before just deciding to go for it. He squeezed her hand and looked back up at her. "I was hoping you could stay. My head's still throbbing, and that massage was probably the only thing keeping the pain down."

"Heh, alright," Chani replied. "Then I'll stay with you until your migraine dies down a bit. How does that sound?"

"That sounds great." He smiled up at her and let go of her hand. He shut his eyes as she felt her thumbs rest on his throbbing temples once again and began to rub them in small, gentle circles. He could feel her finger tips rub against his scalp and the base of his skull, and he focused on how good that felt rather than the pain of his migraine. Eventually the side of his face leaned against her abdomen and he could hear each breath she took as her belly expanded and contracted at a steady, even pace.

Kaidan fell asleep without realizing it until he opened his eyes and realized his pain was gone. The room was dark and still, and the only thing he could hear was Chani's soft breaths. When he looked up at her, she was still sitting up against the back of the couch but her right arm was laid out with her head resting on top of it. Her other hand rested against his shoulder. She must have fallen asleep sometime after he did. It must have been an uncomfortable position, but she looked peaceful...happy, even. He might not have known how she held it all together so well, but he knew he was one of the few people she allowed to see her like this. She deserved a break...something to take her mind off of the war before it ate away at her. 

He sat up slowly so as not to wake her, and breathed a small sigh of relief when she remained undisturbed. _You're gonna wake up with an awful kink in your neck sleeping like that, Chani,_ he thought at her, then slid his arms behind her back and under her legs. He lifted her slowly, making sure her head was propped against his shoulder. She murmured something and shifted in his arms, but she still seemed completely out of it. _She must be totally exhausted. I wonder if she's been getting enough sleep...?_

He walked her toward the door and was almost surprised to see it open for him. "EDI?" he whispered, figuring it was the ship's A.I.

"Yes, Major, it is me," the robotic female voice answered. "You and Commander Shepard were asleep for approximately four point three hours. I imagine you are taking her to her cabin. It is on the top floor to your left. I have already unlocked the door, so you should have no problem putting her to bed."

"Ah....thanks, EDI," he replied, then started walking down the hallway as quickly yet smoothly as he could walk. He was still getting used to EDI's presence on the ship, but even he could not deny how useful she was. He glanced down the hallway, making sure no one was in the mess area before he walked toward the elevator. Luckily, no one was around. The last thing either he or Chani needed was below-deck gossip about them having some elicit affair; especially with a news reporter like Diane Allers aboard.

He got up to Chani's cabin without any trouble, and her door was unlocked like EDI said. Her room certainly was impressive; twice as large as her last cabin with desk space, a small lounge area with couches that looked more comfy than the one he was just sleeping on, a fish tank with a small collection of fish swimming around idly, and a collection of ship models. He never figured Chani was into model collecting, but did not think much of it as he carried her to the bed. He was not surprised to see the bed was already occupied by a white, black and brown striped tabby cat. Alkaid, Shepard's vicious pet cat, lifted her head and growled when he approached the bed, then gave a hiss as he lowered Chani down on the other side of the bed. The cat quickly rose and jumped off the bed, scurrying off to the other side of the room.

"Nice to see you too, Alkaid," he whispered sarcastically. He always had something of an antagonistic relationship with Chani's cat. She always bit or scratched at him whenever he tried to pet her, and he would always wake up to the sound of Alkaid meowing right in his ear or sitting on top of his face whenever he bunked with Chani for the night. 

He watched Chani shift once she was on the bed and turned over on her side, curling up and nuzzling her face against her pillow. She looked beautiful and precious, even asleep like this. Once again, the thought of kissing her crossed his mind. It was no secret that he still loved her, even after everything that happened on Horizon and Mars. And he was all but certain she still loved him. He knew that this might not be the right time to start something again with her; not in the middle of a galactic war with sentient machines hell-bent on destroying all organic life. Then again, when would they ever get another chance? This was not like hunting down Saren to Ilos, and there was a chance that any mission they went on together could be their last. He knew the risks as well as she did. Even if for a day, he wanted to take her away from all of that and have a few moments just for them...so they could finally sort things out. 

That was when he decided he would take the initiative and ask her to spend the day with him when they got to the Citadel. No debriefings, no council meetings, no war...just the two of them and this unspoken thing between them. He rubbed her forehead, then leaned down and planted a soft peck against the top of her head. He straightened up, watching her body shift once again and smiled down at her. Then he turned and quietly walked out of the cabin, making sure the door was locked behind him so no one would disturb her.


End file.
